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The Person You Are. The Person You Want to Be.

Raj (naam toh suna hi hoga) aspires to be among the high performers in the team, but despite all his efforts, he believes he is average. He thinks,

“I want to be creative, but I’m afraid of being judged.”  and 

“I want to sound confident, but I constantly second-guess myself.”

Sounds familiar?

At home, he wants to spend more time with his wife and son, but his work keeps him away from dinner table, in his room converted into home office.  

Socially, he often wants to say no to friends, but being a good-hearted person, he ends up helping them more than he can. People know him as someone who can be counted upon.

Outcome: work-life imbalance, stress, anxiety, unhappiness, fatigue, self-doubt, defensiveness and more.

Raj has a set definition of the person he wants to become – ‘Ideal Self’, and he is striving hard for it, but he ends up being another person (Real Self).

According to Carl Rogers theory:

  • Real Self - is what the person believes they are 
  • Ideal Self - what they want to become.

When the two matches, it creates happiness, satisfaction and balance. If there is a gap between the two, it results in disappointment and dissatisfaction.

Can something be done about it? Yes!!

Raj should:

  1. Analyze if the ‘Ideal Self’ that he defined for himself is realistic. If not then identify what he genuinely wants to be or achieve in life (not what organization, family or society expects).
  2. Evaluate what his ‘Real Self’ is at that point
  3. Examine the gap between the ideal and real self (Ideal --> Real)
  4. Work towards closing that gap and not perfection.

He need not become a different person, but his actions, values and sense of self should be aligned.

The goal is not to become the “perfect” version of ourselves, but to become more comfortable with who we are, while consciously working towards who we want to be.

And maybe, that is where real satisfaction, peace, and happiness begin.

More Read Suggestions: Carl Rogers' humanistic theory + Real Self + Ideal Self

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