Ready, But Equipped To Help?

Picture Source

It hurts right, reading about an unexpected death? Even more when the death of the person is suicide because of depression…gets worse when it is someone who you thought had everything sorted in life… a life you could only dream of.

Did you feel lucky, for you may not be going through such trauma to take your own life? Sorry I know that’s a harsh one. But (at the risk of being named as heartless) I do feel fortunate that I have people around me who I can trust would listen to me, whether or not they can provide any solution.

Yes, there are many of us who share posts and messages, saying “we are here to listen, please come and talk to us if you need.” But really is that enough? Though we are all here to help, willingly, but are we all equipped enough?

When a friend called me saying ‘all this is so gloomy and that she was feeling so low; the word suicide itself is so scary to her, all I could tell her was, not just you, even people who may not be suffering from mental health conditions are upset of about the tragic incident (Sushant Rajput’s death), so just hang on till tomorrow you will be fine’. I still don’t know if that was the right to say, but I didn’t know what else could I have said. Though I mean well, I am not equipped to deal with such situations, all I could do was distract her, talk about work, food, friends, etc.  

Similarly, when Varun (my husband) and I were discussing the incident, he named two of our friends (say ABC & XYZ), who he feels are vulnerable and we should keep checking on them. Again, he means well, but why would he think that another friend (DEF) is not susceptible. He has more liabilities in life, God Forbid if anything happens to his job, how will he manage. He appears tough and someone who can tackle problems as they come. But didn’t those who committed suicide seemed strong and happy too?

The truth is that it's difficult to analyze and understand what happens within the four walls of one’s brain; how the mind plays tricks on them. Nobody wants to be sad and depressed. But when they are, they may want to talk about it to someone who is close. And even when they do, the other person, may not know how to respond.

• Perhaps by just saying everything will be okay, is not enough, adding how to make things okay is what is required.
• Perhaps just saying I am here for you is not enough, but maybe adding, let me know what I can do for you, maybe I don’t understand it completely, but I want to.
• Perhaps just a casual call or message on hey, what’s up is not enough, probably one should listen to the answer, when they ask ‘how are you?”

…yeah, “how are you?” is a generic way of greeting today. Do we ever wait to listen to the answer, to whomever we ask this question?

The change we need to bring in is not just the willingness to help, but first understanding how can we help. Probably then we will be capable and equipped enough to help!