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Did you feel lucky, for you may not be going through such trauma to take
your own life? Sorry I know that’s a harsh one. But (at the risk of being named
as heartless) I do feel fortunate that I have people around me who I can trust
would listen to me, whether or not they can provide any solution.
Yes, there are many of us who share posts and messages, saying “we are
here to listen, please come and talk to us if you need.” But really is that
enough? Though we are all here to help, willingly, but are we all equipped
enough?
When a friend called me saying ‘all this is so gloomy and that she was
feeling so low; the word suicide itself is so scary to her, all I could tell
her was, not just you, even people who may not be suffering from mental health
conditions are upset of about the tragic incident (Sushant Rajput’s death), so
just hang on till tomorrow you will be fine’. I still don’t know if that was
the right to say, but I didn’t know what else could I have said. Though I mean
well, I am not equipped to deal with such situations, all I could do was
distract her, talk about work, food, friends, etc.
Similarly, when Varun (my husband) and I were discussing the incident,
he named two of our friends (say ABC & XYZ), who he feels are vulnerable
and we should keep checking on them. Again, he means well, but why would he
think that another friend (DEF) is not susceptible. He has more liabilities in
life, God Forbid if anything happens to his job, how will he manage. He appears
tough and someone who can tackle problems as they come. But didn’t those who
committed suicide seemed strong and happy too?
The truth is that it's difficult to analyze and understand what happens
within the four walls of one’s brain; how the mind plays tricks on them. Nobody
wants to be sad and depressed. But when they are, they may want to talk about
it to someone who is close. And even when they do, the other person, may not
know how to respond.
- Perhaps by just saying
everything will be okay, is not enough, adding how to make things okay is
what is required.
- Perhaps just saying I am
here for you is not enough, but maybe adding, let me know what I can do
for you, maybe I don’t understand it completely, but I want to.
- Perhaps just a casual call
or message on hey, what’s up is not enough, probably one should listen to
the answer, when they ask ‘how are you?”
…yeah, “how are you?” is a generic way of greeting today. Do we ever
wait to listen to the answer, to whomever we ask this question?
The change we need to bring in is not just the willingness to help, but first understanding how can we help. Probably then we will be capable and equipped enough to help!
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