We often end up mixing the two
attributes - good and nice – assuming them to be the same. But
there is a vast difference between the two. What is the difference, you ask? Or
is it just that I am going bonkers?
Well, by definition …
· A nice person is someone who is pleasant to be around, has good manners, and is cheerful;
· A good person on the other hand, is someone who is honest, helpful, and morally good.
A person who has generally been good tends to be nice to others, most of the time. However, the question is: should they be nice to people, even if they don’t want to? Would people consider them as ‘good’ if they are not nice any longer?
The Burden of Being Nice
Here’s what I think: you might
be a good person, who doesn’t want to intentionally harm or hurt others, who is
always there for friends and family members – listening to their toxic rants or
offering material support. You might be the go-to friend for late-night calls,
or the colleague who listens to endless workplace complaints. It feels good to
help, but the cycle can become overwhelming.
When you regularly offer this ‘act of service’, you are expected to continue with it. If, at any point, you decide you have had enough and do not want to offer the support you have been lending, you suddenly become a bad person – you are no longer ‘nice’. Do you see where I am coming from?
When Niceness Turns into
a Trap
There could be times when you do not want to stay nice; you would want to say out loud - that you do not want to be taken for granted as a friend; or no longer want to hear about someone else’s childhood traumas; or for once you do not want to start your day with your colleague ranting about her in-laws or his boss. Imagine starting every Monday morning with a coworker’s lengthy complaints—it can set a draining tone for your day and leave you feeling exhausted before your work even begins.
Unfortunately, if you have been partaking
in all the above, people around you expect you to continue to be their punching
bag or listening shoulder, making it difficult or even impossible for you to
say ‘no’.
Prioritizing Your Mental Well-Being
But hey, is it not important for
you to prioritize your own mental well-being and step away from such toxic
routine. People want to dump their negativity on you, because it makes them feel
better. They have been told to share their thoughts and worries with someone
they trust, but what about you? Your friend might feel relieved after sharing
their problems, but you are left carrying the emotional weight long after they
leave.
Receiving all that negativity,
doesn’t it affect your mental well-being? At some level it might.
Breaking Free from the 'Nice' Label
When you realize that, you decide
to call it quits and no longer want to be the ‘nice’ person. For those who have
been using you like an emotional dump pit, it comes as a shocker, and they
decide that you are no longer relevant to them.
Buy hey, should it even matter if they do not understand you? Should you maintain relationships with them at the cost of your mental well-being? Should you continue absorbing negativity to maintain relationships, or prioritize your mental well-being and set boundaries?
The Ideal Way
What would you do in such a
scenario? Continue to listen to the negativity, pretend it doesn’t affect you, and
hope it eventually doesn’t? Or would you tell them to stop and encourage them
to visit a professional.
The ideal way would be to evaluate your own boundaries and threshold limit. Do not allow yourself to be taken for granted when you feel overburdened by others' expectations. Instead rethink if you really want to champion the "nice person" label and prioritize themselves.
Good People Aren’t Always Nice—and That’s Okay!
What do you think? Tell me in comments…
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